Now I’ve got a colleague called Vincent
He’s sure to make it to management
Always faultless, green, and sweet
As useless you can get them
He’s got a plastic-lined cheap waste basket
My manager thinks he’s fantastic
She won’t even let me explain
That me and Vincent we’re just not the same
Oh my perfect colleague
What I like to do he doesn’t
He’s the organisation’s pride and joy
His line manager’s little golden boy
He’s gotta degree in shitty comics
Mass, gimmicks, and antibiotics!
He thinks that I’m a savage
’cause I hate butter in my sandwich
Even by the hour of ten
Annoying Vincent is so annoying by then
He always thinks he’s at a rodeo
‘Cause he’s tries to ride our director whenever he says hello
Oh my perfect colleague
What I like to do he doesn’t
He’s the organisation’s pride and joy
His line manager’s little golden boy
His manager made him a supervisor
Got Human Resources into advise her
Now he’s walking with lots of poise
Swaggering along like the MBA boys
Twirls try to attract his attention
But what a shame it’s in vain total rejection
He will never lift them off the shelf
’cause Vincent he’s more likely to eat himself
Oh my perfect colleague…
Dorothy shares one of Vincent’s jokes with the office
department of speculation 