About verified accounts
The Elvis badge (£:- ^) on this blog lets people know that an account of personal interest to us is cool and trustworthy. The badge appears next to the name on the member’s comments. The badge holder is deemed to be of good character and from good stock. A decent spud. Sound. Dead-on. Whatever you’re having yerself.
Verified badges must be applied by Dept of Speculation, and accounts that use a badge as a part of profile photos, background photos, or in any other way that implies verified status, are subject to permanent suspension from the blog.
What types of followers get verified?
A follower may be verified if he/she is determined to be of personal interest to Morag and me. Typically this includes followers with an above average interest in: mild cynicism, Twitter hysteria, cheese, iconoclasm, Billy Joel, trabants, curling, Googling unlikely questions to see if they’ve already been Googled, laptopism, shoppingism, buns, hiding from their potential, quietly over-estimating their potential, convivial bitterness, inclusive dining, inventions, bridges, parallel parking, functioning paranoia, creating conversational tumbleweeds, mindlessness, photosynthesis, leninism, and extreme day-dreaming.
Submitting a request
To be able to complete the form, you must have the following:
- Verified proof that you’re alive
- A confirmed star-sign
- A biro
- A profiterole photo
- A head
- Be of unsound mind
We require a copy of your self-portrait and your middle name in order to confirm your request. Information used for this purpose will not be deleted.
Profile and account recommendations
Some common characteristics of verified accounts include:
- The name reflects the real name of the person/place/thing e.g. Big Swinging Mickey. Bono’s Halo. Wee Blue Birdie etc.
- Exclamation marks are kept to a minimum.
- They don’t have to ask who Mutley is.
- They never ask who Morag is.
Additional Information
When submitting a request to verify an account, we ask for additional information that can help us evaluate it. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- We’ll ask you to tell us why we should verify an account. If the account represents an animal, we’ll ask for permission from the owner.
- If the account represents a body part, we’ll ask for permission from the owner.
- If the account represents a mythical person, place, or thing, we’ll ask for permission from God
- If the account represents a parenting blogger, we’ll ask for permission from their child(ren)
- When providing URLs to support your request, choose sites that help encapsulate your values and interests. PLEASE NOTE: bestiality and Stephen Fry are illegal and will result in an automatic ban.
Submit a request to verify an account
You can submit a request to verify an account by completing the above questions in the comment section below and we’ll respond to your request some time.
If your request is denied, you can submit another request for the same account 3 minutes after receiving the email from us. Alternatively, you will be automatically verified if you ignore this message for 30 days.
Verify today and your teeth could be this white
department of speculation 
I’m too boring, normal name and picture. Was that an immediate banning offence? I feel like creating a whole new persona. If I did what would I call myself?
Tric, as the great man, Billy, implored – don’t go changing to try and appease me. But if you really do want to be adventurous, there’s a tried and trusted formula old Grandma Speculation used to use: Take the first letter from your favourite saint, the last name of your favourite nun, the middle three letters of the Fianna Fail leader the year you were born, add an O’ in front of it and hey presto! that’s your 1940s porn star name.
Fabulous. I’m in The Gang! *sniggers in best Mutley* Is it possible to apply for gold membership? Obviously I can already demonstrate many of the essential requirements, such as being as alive, convivial bitterness and creating conversational tumbleweeds. I will soon be able to add parallel parking – am currently working on not driving on the pavement. I can provide a photo of the best profiteroles EVER (don’t tell anyone else, but they come from Tescos, are filled with champagne truffle and are sprinkled in gold dust – truly it is so) Also I am not a team player and not good with the wrong sort of people. £:- ^
Account verified. You know you’ll have to apply to Twitter for verification. If they give you any jip, tell them you have grounds to sue for identity theft. Alternatively, you could offer to be a birdy-double and get a junket hanging with The Very Important People.
Fair play on the driving. Mounting the footpath is indeed inadvisable though I reckon it depends who’s on it.
Now, to the important business. If you show me your profiteroles, I’ll show you mine…
Can I get unverified? If I’m verified I’ll have nothing to live for. Verily, I say it is so.
And so, she flicked through her rolodex, pausing briefly at ‘B’ for no other reason that pausing briefly seems to be the thing to do. The bang of a nearby door (also made up) jolted her back to the task. She resumed rolling until she had reached ‘S’. And between Socialists-to-be-avoided and Swines, she found it: Tara Gertrude Mara Sparling.
You forgot my third second name (Prudence). Okay. Here’s a suggestion. Can I stay in your Rolodex, but marked ‘Pending’? Then I’ll always have something to strive for, eh?