The writing is small and more curved and often illegible, even to the author. Paragraphs frequently begin here.

Instead of down here.

Sometimesthewordsaresorapidthere’snocomingupforair

AND TOO OFTEN THE CAPS LOCK IS LEFT ON UNNECESSARILY WHEN

Making a point quietly would be a more effective way of being heard

Especially when it comes to discussing matters that are not so black or white

Shhh *index finger up to lips*

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That sort of silence is grand for those posts that require some

But background ♫♫ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♫♫♫ ♪ ♫ ♬ is always preferable. (Name that tune for a bonus prize)

Centred, I am not

And I usually

 take the

scenic route

to what it is I want to say. Like I do here.

Or here.

Or here.

Or here.

Using numbers to make a point could possibly help because:

1. It allows people to use their fingers to demonstrate their counting skills, usually beginning with their thumb
2. It helps set them up to slip in a third point even when it’s not required because if it were to end on 2. it would be an anti-climax, and 3 is the accepted norm. And
3. (generally the middle finger, coincidentally) It gives a person three opportunities to reinforce how annoying they are (trails off in self-satisfied tone)

Bullet points are for

• shopping lists
• work tasks
• packing inventories
• Christmas present lists
• fantasy luxury items
• the pros and cons of everything
• use alongside asterisks to denote special priority status on any item from the aforementioned lists

An asterisk AND a bullet point means it’s fairly urgent.

A little Δ next to a • next to a * indicates serious procrastination. If it reaches the inclusion of a #, then a financial penalty is inevitable.

The compulsion to admit any of this and other random thoughts publicly cannot be filed away under lifestyle. A pathology, maybe. Or a mild form of psychosis, if combined with the urge to take a home-cooked marshmallow encrusted kipper to the term ‘lifestyle’ and beat it to a pulp before reversing over it in a specially imported Trabant.

The reasons are simple.

1. *sticks out thumb* It’s one of those bland terms that smears beige all over the world
2. It’s the first cousin of work-life balance, working mother guilt, and other dumbed down aspects of life that are sanitised and saddled on us by well-dressed media types who confuse glossy publishing for a public service
3. It’s a compound word and they’re dangerous. Like pro-life, anti-austerity, and Stephen-fry.

A lifestyle choice