Birgitte Nyborg v Lucinda Creighton

Clare. Just like I pictured it; skyscrapers and everything. Well, a supremely cool lighthouse in Loop Head, anyway. And, Gee, those Cliffs of Mo-hair sure are awesome. The place will always have a piece of my average-sized heart. And possibly some disturbing reverb from my occasional roars at Lucinda Creighton on the box.

Our visit last year coincided with the sleep-deprived government debates on the implementation of Ireland’s Protection of Life During Pregnancy Bill. Based on the 1992 Supreme Court Ruling, it allows for limited rights to abortion on the grounds of the threat to the life of the woman, and the threat of suicide by the woman.

After months of protracted hearings and debate, and days of will she or won’t she, the Bill was finally passed and Lucinda was shown the door from her parliamentary party. The one she took great care to remind us, repeatedly, she was forced to prise open and slam shut with the might of her own unrivalled courage and conviction.

Two developments collided on the venn diagram of public opinion to produce her magical beatification.

Firstly, Creighton was upfront and unequivocal in her opposition to provision for the threat of suicide.  A high profile junior minister challenging party directive. Her beliefs aired in adherence with the availability of free speech. But by the time the vote came round, Creighton was not the last opponent standing. Six of her colleagues were expelled from Fine Gael following their defiance of party policy by voting against it.

Secondly, the media, having cynically played Creighton’s resoluteness off against similar concerns from her female colleagues, soon forgot the other 24 Dáil members who voted against the Bill. Focus rapidly zoomed in on Michelle Mulherin’s U-turn as evidence of a lack of sufficient moral conviction and selfish careerist motives. In turn, the weight of Lucinda’s unyielding convictions won her the higher moral ground.

With the exception of Vincent Browne, this narrative appeared to go unchallenged by the mainstream media. Over the following days, Lucinda’s bravery frontloaded the headlines. By this stage, it was Lucinda who was providing most of the commentary from what appeared to be a temporary altar built on the shoulders of cameramen and microphones. A new secular saint was born.

Danish TV drama is not a clinically approved petri-dish for lab analysis of Irish politics, but like much of popular culture, it has its usefulness in showing us something about how the world works. Watching Borgen over the year since these queasy events has helped shaped a few questions that were achingly absent during the carnival.

Birgitte Nyborg is the impossibly charismatic leader of The Moderates, a centre-left party occupying the ruling seat in the governing coalition. As PM of Denmark, Nyborg presides over the usual dilemmas pertaining to a range of domestic (welfare reform, criminal justice, immigration) and international (rendition flights, international trade, war and humanitarian intervention) affairs. Negotiating policy is based on skilfully balancing trade-offs between those ideologies among her coalition partners and opposition, with the best possible outcome for the common good of the Country and its citizens. Or pragmatism, in short. Backed up by commendable communication skills. It is classically Danish in its leftist leanings. To illustrate the complexity of fixed morals in the political bear pit of government, Nyborg emerges as an exemplar of a liberal idealist forced to surrender to seemingly unpalatable compromises.

Negative public opinion against her intensifies the longer she fails to bow to internal pressure to upgrade spend on military hardware in the wake of Danish peacekeeping casualties in Iraq. She caves in. Proposed early retirement age leaps up and down as the policy pieces are moved around the chess board. They settle on a half-way year. Business oligarchs are courted and double-bluffed. Everyone’s a winner. The cracks in capitalism are assumed, but the purest form of liberal policies prove an ineffective panacea alone.

More than once, Nyborg is accused of undermining her party’s ideals and the lines between political necessity and retention of power at all costs become blurred. Are the risks she takes to pitch for the role of mediator between two warring African countries indicative of the vanity and glory-seeking many accuse her of, or her fundamental humanitarian impulses she cannot ethically ignore? Probably both.

Was Michelle Mulherin’s U-turn a case of outright redundancy protection, a simple case of toeing the party-line, or surrendering to the will of the people?

Was Lucinda’s steely reserve in the face of party discipline purely a case of moral conviction at a heavy price, a self-serving move that elevated her public profile, or an exercise in placing personal conviction above consensus and the will of the electorate?

We’ll never really know. Partly because the prevailing responses to these questions came only from Lucinda.

Fine Gael was upfront in its coalition deal with its governing partners. The Bill was to be passed. It was informed by a Court ruling mandated by the electorate in a referendum 20 years previously. Time for a cabinet to do its work for the common good long built on electoral consensus. A no-brainer. The issue of conscience a moot point.  As Vincent Browne emphatically pointed out throughout – abortion is already available to Irish women if they have sufficient means, and an acceptable form of identification for Ryanair, to have one. Nyborg would credit the electorate and her cabinet with more cop than wilful border blindness and hypocrisy.

At no point during the media spectacle was Lucinda asked to consider the worth of the moral convictions of those who voted as a matter of conscience. Those ‘brave’ Dáil members who used their conscience as an instrument to balance personal and party ideologies with the best possible outcome for the Country and its citizens. Pragmatism, in short. The stuff that progressive modern democratic politics is based on. Not parish pump politics in which progress is stifled or buoyed up by the mettle of individuals rarely tested. Nyborg hails from a tradition of the former; Ireland is built on the latter. The implementation of the Bill presented a break-away moment when fresh realities bubbling below the surface for two decades would finally flower. When notions of bravery and conviction would be re-defined.

As an individual who felt stifled by her party directive, Creighton was free to declare her position, bare her fangs, and bow out. As an accidental arbiter on standards of political conscientiousness, it was a role she cheerfully grabbed from a willing media. Nyborg would not have been arrogant enough to accept such a misplaced honour.

That any of these women share similar genitalia should be neither here nor there, but stories of halos and villains in battles involving wombs are always easier to write when women are the chief protagonists. As politicians, all of them, like their colleagues, and the parties to which they belong, are weak to overtures from compromise, party leaders, personal gain, and the will of the people.

Would the woman with the most courage of her moral convictions please stand up?

You can all sit down now. And Lucinda, please close the door gently behind you on your way out this time.

Hoist a new flag

I was pottering around earlier… No, wait, that line was done before. Let’s start again. I was skulking (that’s more like it) around my office today, straining to maintain indifference to the efficiency on display from my colleagues. The kind of multi-tasking that’s precipitated by lengthy arse-scratching; that precedes a mass exodus. The sickening type of conscientiousness used to flirt with interview panels combined with a frenzy of Holy Thursday intensity.

It’s the 12th week. No, I’m not up the duff.  July 12th. You know..bowler hats and bonfires. Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very, frightening. Galileo. Galileo. GAAALIIIILEEEEOOO. They’re just poor boys etc.

Ordinarily, I’d have legged it out of here five years ago by now, but since I can’t simultaneously make a phone-call, email, and doddle a drawing of the person I’m talking to on the phone in an unflattering position, I won’t be going anywhere till August. Which is a pity because I like nothing better than leaving a stress pit to migrate West to roar obscenities at Lucinda Creighton on the box (this time last year).

Emotions and blood pressure remain consistent with July 2013 levels however, as I’m nearing the end of the second series of Borgen. Nyborg v Creighton. There’s a debate I’d pay Vincent Browne to chair. Top five ways Birgitte would slaughter St. Lucinda. That’s another post. Fuck it, I might just do that after this one. My blog ‘n’ all.

Meanwhile, back in the daily dungeon, I’ll be fantasising as I gaze out the window at the fresh Ulster flag flapping in front of my face. Another year, another head bowed in disappointment. Not at the politicians, or the community leaders, or the manufacturers of Daz washing powder that keeps them sparkling, or the cherry-picker vans that run them up the poles, or the sun that shines down on the spectacle, although that in particular upsets me greatly.

No. I recline, and wonder to myself… where are the bloody artists? The subversive thought ticklers? The culture terrorists?

I’ve calculated there are at least 4 hours of darkness per night during which the guardians of the flegs are tucked up in their wee beds. This gives sufficient time to strike a la the characters in The Educkators who re-adjusted the furniture of the rich to spook them out of their complacency; the erection of  police ‘Information Wanted’ signs around London, only the incidents included “two people hugging” and “someone seen smiling at 2:05pm”; or the landscape gardeners that produced glorious flowerbeds on urban roundabouts and desolated grounds overnight to the joy and bemusement of passers-by the following day.

Where is Banksy when ya need him? Let me guess. In a caravan in Bundoran?

Fucking knew it.

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Image: The Telegraph

Seven Seven

I’d been pottering around earlier scratching my head over the significance of today’s date. It kept staring back at me throughout the morning.  Checking my phone, flicking through my diary, composing a letter. There’s something about today. It took till lunchtime to twig it.

I was in a similarly listless state that morning, landing in late to a Mexican heave of relief across speechless faces of colleagues. What? Surely being late isn’t a crisis that merits such a reaction.

The news was haemorrhaging across the city. Russell Square. Tavistock Square. Edgeware Road. They meant little to me before. Now they’re universally known place-names synonymous with death and destruction.

The eeriness trickled southwards over the bridge as the day wore on. Peckham. Camberwell. Brixton. All reverent wake houses with business not as usual, heads shaking in disbelief.

A few posts back I mourned my own wee corner of London. Friday evenings down The Hermit’s Cave where we convened for weekly secular mass. Here are another few aspects of London living I still miss by way of my salute to the great city.

  1. Getting an education. On the lives and outlooks of people from all around the globe. A city that’s a compendium of  the world; capable of knocking the edges off all generalisations and prejudices towards folk you only think you know. Sharing a city with umpteen other nationalities serving as a reminder that we’re nothing particularly special. Most Muslims I met were moderate, gracious, and braced themselves tighter as the backlash began. Paddy Irish Bomber finally displaced as the receptacle for native suspicion.
  2. The status of madness. Not at yourself? Away with it? The nerves at you? Got a problem with that? Cause in London they don’t. They positively embrace it. And they don’t shy away from it. Madness is a form of madness as legitimate as all others. They don’t have euphemisms for it, but they do have festivals in the name of it.  The feast of St. Madness used to fall on an August Saturday in Camberwell. Officially known as Bonkersfest. Reclaim the craziness.
  3. The iconography. Battersea Power Station. Free to on-looking neighbours. Anywhere from a tenner upwards to those who choose to fly in and out of Gatwick just to get up close to it on the train route. It’s still too soon to talk about the day they replaced the Number 12 Double Decker with a bendy bus. Where did that dread-locked Jamaican conductor go? Re-deployment. The curse on those charming characters.
  4. 24 hour independent cinema and comedy clubs (more or less) with, wait for it…..air-conditioning. And there’s more… some without popcorn. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark.
  5. The Buzz. Mouthy street vendors. Fifty four thousand different kinds of food. The equivalent number in attitude. Three million pairs of feet storming in different directions underground. Skateboarders on the South Bank. The audience in Peckham cheering Bridget Jones’s release from that sweaty Thai prison. Standing in the middle of the largest English city not understanding a word being said around me. Slipping into the little church off Leicester Square to get my head showered next to others praying to a God I don’t believe in. Being asked where Ireland is. Police sirens. Anonymity. Community. The posh end. The dodgy end. The up and coming end.

London. Facking brilliant. Init.

How to build a reasonably OK daughter

Pride. A feeling I tend to view with some suspicion. “I’m very proud of you”, quarter-blubbed her Da to me after our daughter was born. You didn’t. Seriously. You didn’t just contaminate the moment with a half-assed attempt to reduce it to a cliché. The ignominy.

I did what any self-respecting post-labour woman in that situation would do. I obeyed one of the master cheese-makers, and left the tender moment alone before demanding the legendary tea and toast I’d heard so much about. I’m not even a tea-drinker. Thanks, Billy. I’d have had you for the requisite background music if we had been filming it for a dodgy rom-com. Set in the 80s. Before those slasher movies came along. Like Baby Led Weaning Part II, and When Gina Forde Attacks.

“You should be so proud of her”. I got that a lot over the days that followed. Proud of her for what? Winning a beauty contest with one contestant? Our unconditional love on the spot? Arriving on Women’s Christmas so my Mother could win a bet with herself to brag about?

Now she’s two, she’s notching up small but significant victories of her own that appear to fill her with immense pride. “Look at me!!” Taking her shoes off and getting into her Dad’s boots, unaided. Polishing off her dinner to get holding her plate aloft like a trophy. Hopping on one foot for five seconds (before falling on her arse). “Look at you”, I respond in a voice so saturated with exclamation marks it sounds unfamiliarly squeaky. Hark the sound of early parental pride.

Whatever kink of nature was to blame (paranoia/control freakery/pregnancy related cheese deprivation), I spent the first month of her life pre-occupied with those victories for which she will inevitably have to fight hard. Keeping her in milk and zeds will be the least of our worries. What about the battles we’ll be prevented from muscling in on to pin whatever fucker up against the wall of reason in all The Great Wars. Lasting self-confidence. Sufficient self-esteem. Getting out of hen parties. Independence. Immunity from protracted heartbreak. Body confidence. Healthy ideas on sex. Some fucker somewhere telling her she can’t do something. Her talents threatening to become her enemies. A decent taste in music. Resistance to snobbery, elitism and looking down on others. Except those with a shit taste in music. The Biggies.

I was reminded of those bizarre weeks during Caitlin Moran’s show last night at Vicar St.. A pick ‘n’ mix of readings and rants that addressed an array of trademark Moran topics. The absence of menstrual blood in popular culture. The crushing impact of the media’s obsession with bodily perfection on female self-worth. The lady boners from men who call themselves feminists. The dangers of Tweeting sexual conquest plans for Benedict Cumberbatch whilst drunk (“I’d let my face be a painter and decorator’s radio for him”). And plenty of fun-loving filth in-between.

caitlin

A rallying call to arms around each other to call time on some bad shit. And get some other good shit started. Her typical good-humour the vehicle for driving home the basic tenets of contemporary feminism as the world should see them. 1. Women are equal to men; 2. Don’t be a dick; 3. Er, that’s it. A one-woman show reinforcing the right of feminism to belong to women in common, not the mortar-boarded few for relentless tug o’ warring. Get with it, girls. Feminism is a moving patchwork of issues that confer on women the right to move freely around it to take on their particular fight of choice.

Stand-out moments came courtesy of the feelings she had on the responses to her self-disclosure on having an abortion in How to Be A Woman. A poignant reading followed tracing the historical roots and rationale for the procedure from Greek times to the present day. Half the world’s women who have abortions will have them safely; the other half will have them anyway. All facts delivered matter-of-factly.

But it is her comedy-free commitment to laying bare the unvarnished realities of class and welfare where Moran truly comes into her own. Abortion is, and always will be, available to Irish women; provided they have the means to travel to the UK to buy one. Lamenting the robbing of middle-class treats by austerity cuts will always be worlds removed from the effort it takes to claw out of pre-determined debt, poverty, and a ‘dodgy’ postcode onto a rung more comfortable. Wipe hope from the lives of the poor and those smokes and fat foods so frowned upon become their only treats.

Scanning the audience, I spot a few other favourite women. There’s Roisin Ingle laughing her heart out. That’s my best mate over there with one of the Twitter famous “36 men” in the room. Here’s my Ma. Clapping and laughing wildly through it all. Like a woman who finally got out on her hen night 52 years after her wedding day. Her daughter to the right of her, grown-up granddaughters to the left. A woman who lived through the marriage bar, ‘churching’, and a thermometer for contraception. A woman who wasn’t able to open a Credit Union account, whose children received a state allowance that could only be paid into her husband’s account. A woman who couldn’t complete her secondary education because her family didn’t have the money and she was needed for “women’s work”. And then it clicks.

Pride: Sitting next your Ma at a Caitlin Moran show being reminded that the phrases you use to build your case for equality passed down from her lips originally. If I do half as good a job with my own daughter, I’ll have done OK. She’ll have her own ideas on what pieces of the patchwork she’s up for tackling and tickling.

Run with them, child.

Theme and us

Please, Pilcrow; just hear me out. I swear to you, it meant nothing.  It’s just you weren’t here. I couldn’t get on-line. I had too much coffee to drink. And, well, one new Word document led to another. I was lonely.

But nothing happened. Honestly. I don’t remember anything after the fourth semi-colon. Next thing I knew I woke up with the mouse still in my hand for Chrissake so nothing could’ve happened. Except for that one paragraph. I can’t even remember the font’s name. Comic something or other. I recall thinking it was a bit too matey for a font I’d just met. A bit full-on.

It felt like my thoughts were being channelled through a children’s TV presenter to a two-year old. Or Scooby Doo. Not like your dulcet Frances McDormand-cum-Christopher Lee tones. I know that probably makes you sounds like Joan Burton on paper. But Joan’s words are dragged down a blackboard in Gothic  size 80. They’re not deliberately small letters like yours, like my tight tiny handwriting that some say is proof of my secretive side.

My secrets have always felt safer with you. You get me. And no, this isn’t remotely like the one-night stands I had before we met. I’ve seen you eyeing up Twenty Twelve and Adelle, so you can’t really blame me for trying. Admittedly, Next Saturday was a mistake.

You’re my first serious theme and I really want us to give it a go. I can change. I can be better. I can make a better effort with visuals. I’ll throw in the odd quote, if you really want me to. Exclamation marks? I’m on them already!!!!!!!!

Driving through Mary McAleese’s legs at sunset

We’re the ten o’clock news bulletin past Dublin driving home before you slide in a CD. Blinded by the headlights from our oncoming thoughts. Have you…? Did you get the…? What time will…? Recapping the mapping of the following day we do every day.

A man in the background implores his Mother to make peace with her former husband in the Afterlife. It’s Neil Young. Holed up in a vocal booth singing dog-eared postcards from the edge of discovery. Down all the nights of his rookie days on the Canadian folk scene.

By the time we reach the bridge, we’ve observed an uninterrupted silence the length of impressed on first listen. Then I go and ruin it all by pressing repeat on his crackling take of Gordon Lightfoot’s If You Could Read My Mind. A movie queen to play the scene of bringing all the good things out in me. Gets me every time.

mary mcaleese

If you could read my mind, you would see I recognise the sunset from journeys past. I’m behind the wheel pulling away from you. From another getting-to-know-you. Down all those nights of our equidistant days from Dublin. Blinded by the headlights from oncoming possibilities. Of what could be. Like you bringing some good things out in me. I imagine you crossing the bridge, reading your own mind. Replaying the lines that get you every time.  My next exit the N9.

I wanna start over, I wanna be winning, way out of sync from the beginning…

The reduction in Co2 emissions in this post was brought to you in association with shared journey compatibility.