Things I can’t believe don’t exist (Part One)

1.The Rock-A-Bye Baby™. An electronic rocking frame type thingiemejig for a Moses basket to slot into. The ad men are falling down here. I’ve even given them a brand name. Get me the patent office, Morag.

2.Personalised nappies. lf people are willing to root through shelves of Coke to get to a bottle with Aoife on the label, they’ll do it for nappies. Well, I probably would.

3.Doorbells with answer machines. OK, perhaps not. Would’ve been useful in the pre-mobile days all the same. Damn.

4.Split screen domestic TV. One half World Cup, one half Fair City. Like the pizza occasionally shared in front of the box that one half of the couple is slightly huffing about because they got the smaller half. Well, I probably do.

5.Silent Lawnmowers. Like with those silencers for a gun currently aimed at the noisy ones.

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