He’ll be home soon. Better get on with fixing dinner. Hang on, who the hell ‘fixes’ dinner apart from characters in American novels and her after he’s had a hearty go at preparing it. Best tidy up first, but not overdo it.
Terry says it’s OK not to dump her shit on him. She tried it already by text this morning. HI. CAN’T FACE WOR… Delete. HIYA. Delete. HEY GONNA GIVE WORK A… Delete. CAN’T FUC…. Delete. HAVE A DECENT DAY. SEE YOU LATER x.
Relax. She doesn’t really text in capital letters. She might be off her head but she’s not THAT deranged.
Christmas tree lights on. Off. On. Having no lights on is too much of a give away. Like the deserted breakfast bowls with rapidly encrusted cereal boasting the stubborn adhesiveness of a fossil. Radio on. Dishes in sink.
HIYA
[Door slams shut]
Hi. I’m in the kitchen.
Hiya
Hey
How’s it going? Busy day?
Aye. Usual. You?
Did you it make back from work OK?
Grand, yeah.
Really?
She suspects he suspects. Maybe it’s because she forgot to put her shoes on. She will maintain a breezy tone.
Why?
The road’s been closed since 10 this morning. Pipe-bomb.
Oh.
He offers to fix dinner.
department of speculation 
HAH!! Oh, the times I’ve run round getting washed and dressed shortly before They get in. I’ve learned to set the alarm before I have a nap. Damn those working from home days – sooo exhausting.
Phew. Birdie, you do my spleen good with your ability to normalise our endearing habits. Point me in the direction of whatever cretin(s) is giving you work jip, and I will Hong Kong Phooey the fuck out of he/she/them. But first, I must attend to some of my own industrial executions *swashbuckles fingers across keyboard*
I shall send the list forthwith. *ties to the neck of an albatross*
BTW that was Pretend Nonchalance. I am having particularly bad turmoils at the moment, especially about work. Frequent spiralling downwards *watches water drain down the plug hole while still sitting in it getting colder*
Haha. I remember when my gang were all small and the house a real tip, spraying polish into the air before he came in the door. The first thing he said is, ‘oh the house looks so clean.’ I did fix his dinner though. 🙂
You overachiever, tric *shakes fist* Classic move with the polish there. I’m SO robbing that one for next time.
He fell for it regularly. Sometimes I’ve used it for visitors, but their faces as they looked about told me it might not have worked so well.
An oldie trick but a goodie trick. Never have the house too warm either. They (especially the male of the species) can sense the heat being flicked on from within a three thousand mile radius. Risky.