Today will be different. Today I will not wait for a parking space as close as possible to the school to reduce the margin for interaction with parents while leaving me late. Today I will not wear black like I did yesterday, and the day before that. And the day before that. Today I will ignore the box of celebrations my fella thinks he has hidden behind the plastic bags in the bottom cupboard next to the washing machine. Today I will decant one of the many boxes stacked in the living room since our move three months ago. Today I will initiate conversation on home decor starting with curtains to replace the paper ones. With a tone bordering on enthusiasm. I won’t talk about how little the old house was sold for. Or how less than that it is actually worth. I will look towards the future without a backward glance to the past. I will not continue scrolling through pages online after my fella flicks off his bedside light. Or wonder when tone policing starts and irrational defensiveness ends. Or vice versa. Today will be different.
Inspired by Eleanor Flood
department of speculation 
Today I will find my friend and smile. Today I will meet with a Third Sector organisation I networked with and I will talk about the great work each of us does and how we could work together and do so much more. Today I will nod and keeping smiling when she says let’s park that until the beginning of March. Today I will not take it personally when I come back to the office to meet with the employee that I know is going to leave. Today I will not smile back when he smiles apologetically while giving the reasons he effectively went AWOL. Today I will tell him the damage that has caused. Today when I take the call from someone we used to support I will not agree when he asks to come back. Today I will remind him why it did not work out before. Today I will not sit in this empty office and eat all the Christmas chocolates and biscuits. Today I will eat my healthy lunch. Today I will go home and go out for a run because it is Wednesday. Tonight I will fill in the application for another job.
Bloody hell, birdie. How’d it go? I hope you also remembered to take a massive marshmallow encrusted kipper to the face of the woman who told you to “park it”. Who does she think she is? Management with a straight face?
Well, needless to say, not much was different after all 😦 But today was different! I was so scunnered at work that I ran away. This came on a day when I woke with the jitters, and this was not improved by a driving lesson first thing – on only one coffee -of a two hour circuit of roundabouts. So I ran away home to go for a walk ‘n’ run on my hill. Life is so much easier when all you have to do is breathe and move. Tomorrow I am on the interview panel for another bloody project which isn’t working. I am considering this as research for my own job application – mission to be done this weekend.
Fancy setting up a transnational support group? Or how about co-authorship of How to Fuck Up a CVS Project in 10 Easy Steps?
Count me in!
How did it work out for you Dept – did you hit up the Celebrations?
No, DS, I managed to swerve by the Celebrations before doing a three-point turn between two nearby tubes of Pringles. Like any self-respecting person with a lack of will-power & loathing for the buggers, I only helped myself to half a dozen of them *takes a bow*
Be careful with the cheese dust on Pringles, there are dangerous levels of MSG in it. Hateful, hideous discs of delight; they should be banned.
They’re farking hideous. More!
Ha: sadly they are 100% accurate when they claim that “Once You Pop,…..”
If this worked out, I’m just wondering – could you do a ‘this year will be different’ post for all of us? No rush.
No bother. It’s a work in regress.