He*, a managing director of a moderate ego, and She*, a self-employed irritant, both from Earth, met virtually through work, which they were trying to avoid at the time. Their first date was over too late for her to retrieve her car from the car-park before it closed. She paid the sixty quid call-out fee.
“After a few months of ripping the piss out of each other, we agreed to meet up,” she said. “We went out for drinks and dinner. I was a little disturbed by how his head would wobble as he cut his steak but he did a great impersonation of The Godfather and Michael Flatley and could give me a run for my money when it came to remembering one-hit wonders.” He proposed two years later (to her) after. She spent the evening celebrating their engagement taking calls from the Groom’s sisters exclaiming how lucky she was. She was uncertain how to handle these threats.
In September 2011, they were married at the registry office in Cork. The reception and honeymoon for two was held afterwards in West Cork.
“Neither of us spent our childhoods there and don’t know a soul, so it felt like a second home,” said the Bride.
She wore a Tiffany Rose maternity dress. The groom wore clothes. Her witness was a kind-hearted woman she had never met before who responded to her request on an Irish wedding website for someone to undertake the task. They were joined by a friend of the woman who agreed to be the second witness. Few people believe them when they tell them this until they produce photos.
Posed by models
The couple’s first dance was held in the lounge of Jury’s Hotel in Dublin the previous week when the pair had an impromptu dance to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon performed by the bar’s resident singer and guitarist.
They spent the drive to their hotel after the ceremony coming up with ideal first dance songs. The Groom claimed they would dance to all of them during their ten year anniversary celebrations when they would renew their vows. The Bride just threw her eyes up in an endearing way.
A highlight of the day for Him was the preparation that morning, “the breakfast roll was lovely, particularly the generous helping of clonakilty pudding.”
The night ended with them both trying to figure out the Nespresso machine after they were upgraded to a fancy suite when the manager heard it was their wedding day. They had to vacate it two days later and return to their standard suite. “It was nearly as good as the time we were upgraded to first class on Aer Lingus on a return flight from New York when I heard the squeals from a childhood friend who defied all the teachers’ predictions and made something of herself. We toasted her an hour later”, explained the Bride. “With proper Waterford Crystal glasses,” add the Groom.
The couple live in the North with their two children – a small girl and negative equity. Every day is just like being on honeymoon.
*Not their real names