Other things I’ll miss now she has started school..
Credit: woman in suspiciously large Jackie-O Shades
- Being late for work. Why be on time when spending your time fretting over how you’re never on time with a panic befitting the fear that some mythical meteor is about to crash land on earth – right on our house – is always preferable to actually being on time.
- Stirring the various gangs of livestock out of their oblivious chewing with a predictable beep of the horn. Gets them and her every time.
- All the little kids at her child-minder’s stampeding and shuffling towards the glass doors in various configurations of all fours like a remake of the closing credits from The Benny Hill Show.
- Choosing the person to preside over her daily care after a careful selection process involving the ancient scientific method of instinct and instinct. Being dispossessed of this power is enough to send your average control freak over the edge.
- All of us calling the designated daily carer-in-chief by her first name. The anachronistic but inescapable beginnings of insidious human hierarchies begins.
- Keeping interaction with other parents to a sanity-maintenance minimum. I would rather chew my own cheek off to the rhythm of Enya’s Orinoco Flow than join the Parents Com-mit-tay. But see number four for odds of that not happening.
What did you just call me? That’ll be Mizz Neurotic to you.