1. Discovering our wee one is starting school with the boss’s daughter in the same class. Insincere smiles across the sandpit on induction morning and lousy ventriloquist alert to my fella etc. We all know where this is going. Despite every conceivable intervention, they will inevitably end up best mates, *winces* play daters, college roommates, and married. I’ve a pain in my face thinking about the pain in my face all this uncharted civility will give me.
2. Being discovered eating those new Crunchie biscuits straight out of the packet. At 9 in the morning. I’m not going to bother justifying that one. Suffice to say there were a few hormones involved that gate-crashed the pity party that rapidly got out of hand.
3. Getting caught doing a mildly exaggerated impersonation of my Mother-in-Law by her son to his Mother-in-Law. I did an impersonation of him doing an impersonation of my Mother to my Mother in a hole-digging effort to even up the score. We’ll never speak of it again. Had it been the other way around, I’d have saved it for an argument, but he’s so offensively reasonable it’d have any maladjusted person scrambling for the crunchie biscuits.
4. Pretending to kidnap another child at our one’s childminder’s and being unaware of her mother witnessing the performance. I rarely see this woman, but I have fallen in love with her daughter and if I can’t have her, I can pretend to have her. When her mother isn’t around. I got that glazed smile and the suggestion that I speak to my husband about my needs as she calmly reclaimed the child.
5. Being asked if I’m pregnant. Again. It’s always worse for the person casually asking the question so to diffuse any tension, I didn’t contradict her.
department of speculation 
Oh they are pretty impressive, well done. #1 though………..that is harsh as fock.
Number 4 is my favourite though.
She was worth the cringe. Coveting other parents’ children – no-one told me this is risk of using childcare.
I can’t choose, but if pushed I think it’s the kidnapping. I love Crunchie Biscuits so can relate on that one.
Yes, when one inspires fear and horror in another, it’s a reliable indicator of embarrassment.
Crunchie biscuits???? Get me some now! Great cringes. My #5 equivalent is people saying to me “oh, you’ve caught the sun” as they catch sight of my reddened upper chest. I am so tired of saying, “Noooo, I’m just weatherbeaten from wearing v-necked tops to make my boobs look smaller.”
Yer back. Yay. How was your holiday? Where have you been? Did you do anything wild? Will you tell us about it? *stares at your décolletage* Did you get catch some sun? Is this too many questions? The worst thing about the Crunchie biscuits was the £1 price tag. 12.5 per biscuit. At that price, I was obliged to buy them. We all are.
Hiya :-))))) Holiday was grand thanks. Did lots of outdoorsy stuff. Haven’t had much internet in weeks, which is partly why there has been a lack of posts – that and a lack of words. Missed ya too *pretends not to notice you looking at my decolletage*
Been on the look-out but alas not a chirp. I keep wondering if your latest skedaddle will be yer last. Then I will be talking to meself. Tell us more. Lash up a post, throw us a curveball of words like a good woman.