Don’t judge a person by the size of their showerhead

Welcome to Tenderness Towers. Today, I thought I’d give you a rare intimate tour of headquarters. Specifically, around some of its more irritating fixtures and features. Let’s not waste any more precious time and get to it…

1. The fork

fork 2

For fork’s sake

Let’s face it, unless you live in Scandinavia, or Japan, every cutlery drawer is a potentially mixed ability group. Ours is no exception. Despite perpetually losing teaspoons, radiator keys, and decanting it regularly of asylum-seeking rubber bands, we can’t seem to manage to ditch this fork. While you’re rolling your eyes there, just remember those times you’ve frustratingly tried to tuck into some tasty grub with a flimsy plastic fork. Exactly. This fork isn’t fit to lift cold Chinese in the event of a hangover. And that’s sayin’ something.

2. Mr Tall Kitchen Roll Holder

mister tall 2

As seen on Pinterest

Proof that not all impulse buys work out.

3. Our letterbox

letterbox 2

Name that tune in 5000

Moving into the hall, you’ll see our musical letterbox. The blue towel is inserted in a futile effort to prevent it from knocking itself off either side of the door day and fucking night.  Funny for the first five minutes when you have guests round and ask them to answer the door. Not funny thereafter. Ever.

4. Our shower 

 shower 3

Every Irish Dad’s dream ‘economic’ shower

Would you look at the head on that. Position it any lower and the water goes cold. All 2 cubic centimeters of it. It’s alright for you there living in your developed countries with your less-than-half-an-hour hair rinses. Smugness moves in horrible ways.

5. The lampshade in our bedroom 

room on the broom

“And then she sniffed the perfume bottle and said “hmm, that smells like ‘come to me'”. And says I to Majella, Majella, c’mere to me, does that smell like cum to you?”

AKA: The tumbleweed.

*sharp wind coming through*

6. Unidentifiable immobile object

bike

*Shrugs* Me neither. Possibly some sort of industrial art installation. Popular in the ’80s along with those Globe shaped drinks’ cabinet as the latest must-have to wow your friends with over prawn cocktail followed by some artic roll.

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13 thoughts on “Don’t judge a person by the size of their showerhead

  1. Huh, you think you’ve got problems….

    First things first…..how showy offy are you with all the Right Books for your props!!!! Did you get a job lot at the charity shop???? And how many of them have you actually read??? Hmm?

    Next…You’re lucky to have a letterbox. We have a breadbin by the front door.

    AND you have a shower. I have one of those shampoo sprays. It doesn’t fit the bath taps, so I have to fix it to the sink, while I stand in the bath. Of course, the hose is short, so I have to crouch down in the bath to avoid spraying the whole bathroom.

    Bit concerned about your lampshade……. But hey, guess who can’t find a bulb to fit her bedside light.

    Your problems are sooooooo First World 🙂

    Are we still pals????

    • I’ll have to think about it. It depends if letter breadbins come into fashion. Otherwise, I’d be mortified.

      Fear not, I stashed my Mills & Boons away and did a quick run down to Vinny P’s to pick up a few props for the photoshoot. See my tags. The day I have to specify ‘humour’ is the day I’m explaining, and therefore the day I’m finished round here.

      Am I finished round here? Please don’t leave me *grabs on your ankles*

      • I really ought to read your tags before I set off on a rant!! It’s a vintage style bread bin, and goes very well with its rustic surroundings. I think it has shabby chic class. The split brick on top to keep the lid on in the gales is an added bit of WTF. I try to stay at other people’s houses as much as I can just to use their shower. I do have favourite shower friends…..that did come out right……

      • Heh heh

        That sounds like a swankier version of our recycling bin. And of course, I would expect nothing less than effortless shabby chic from your good self. I refer to my hair in those exact terms. There’s probably a letter in it somewhere.

        Any craic? I’m not feeling the hard-working vibe today at all at all..

        🙂

  2. Oops again. Just saw your reply. Just been off doing work – nodding at a meeting.

    Like the new pics. Much less pretentious! Re-doing the blog photies is always a sign of the insecure!!!

      • It did work!! That’s why I got out the Pokey Stick of get-you-missus!!! Dinnae fass yersel (there’s one to google if you’re bored!!!!) We need each other missus. Nobody else is laughing 😀

        Off to another meeting – more nodding.

        Everything is £:^ (Is that how the Elvis one went??)

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