1. Parenting blogs. Specifically, my tendency to take a leisurely stroll around them for a casual snoop only to re-emerge completely freaked out. Like many a habit I should avoid, it’s totally unavoidable. I fear it will culminate in a 50 paragraph purge in here, then we’ll all be sorry. I’m working on balancing one earnest thought-provoking post with every four laugh-alongs. That way I’ll prevent myself from calling it quits and shopping myself to social services. I’m one ‘motherhood’ article away from adding them to my contact list on speed-dial.

2. That I can’t change the name of this blog. It took me five days to settle on a theme. This was the fifth choice. Or was it the seventh?Anxiety over the latter could well re-surface to shove it into this top five as a stand alone head-stagger. I’ll settle down with the title eventually; it’s just that on some days, like today, I’d like to rename it Darby O’Dildo and the Little Penises. Shrugs.

3. Endless photos of food I can’t eat. My food fetish works in a way that there is never sufficient time to leave the meal unattended on the plate to look at it through a lens.

4. Widgets. I don’t have to know any more than how to pronounce the word. I have full confidence in their ability to mess me up, so I stay away from them.

5. That by some cosmic joke, Gary from IT is reading this and laughing his bollocks off. Gary, how did you find me when I can’t access this place in work? And while I have you, is it true that yer man was sacked for indulging his on-line porn habit?

Those last few words should do wonders for addressing another minor anxiety on here – the stats (hyperventilates).